Smell the Blog

Saturday, November 23, 2002
Boffing for Business

I just wanted to let you all know I'm willing to do my part the economy.

Damn, that was too easy.

A quick aside about the impending war and the poster below

FYI, while I find the Star Wars spoof poster hilarious, I don't buy into all the left wing talking points they slipped in there. You know, that Iraq is a distraction from the economy, that it's actually being run by the oil companies, blah blah blah. And to clarify, I'm no right wing hawk. I think I'm best described as an eagle (visit Andrew Sullivan's weblog for an excellent description of what an eagle is. I tried to link it for you, but his site seems to be down right now. I suppose I'll delve deeper into my politics as this blog progresses. Suffice to say I think of myself as a centrist of sorts with libertarian tendencies. I tend to side with the Republicans more often than the Democrats, but since the Democrats currently don't stand for anything other than shrill rhetoric, scaring old people and hurling invective without offering anything constructive, that's not a hard choice. There was a time where I voted mostly Democratic. (Here's a tip for the Donkey Party, though, if Nancy Pelosi is your future direction, then it's going to be a long-ass time before I vote Dem again).

Friday, November 22, 2002

OK, now this is just too damn funny. Damn, when was the last time anyone laughed at something MAD Magazine did?

Downtown Hartford, CT more dangerous to pedestrians than Boston, New York

Wow, the capital of my former home state is dangerous to pedestrians. More so than Boston or New York or even Washington DC. Go figure. I thought you had to have pedestrians in order for them to be in danger. I'm damn sure the downtown area might be dangerous for all those tumbleweeds.

Steven Segal is Above the Law...or maybe not.

OK, so "actor" Steven Segal is being linked to the mafia and threats against an LA Times reporter accoring to FBI affidavits secured by the Smoking Gun. Is it me or does this joke write itself? Steven Segal is Out For Justice. Steven Segal says this reporter is Marked for Death.

You know, I actually liked Steven Segal is Under Siege (remember, all his movies start with Steven Segal is....). No really, I did. The rest of his work was pure shit, but he's made more movies than I have. I don't know what happened to this guy. Maybe he's been hanging out with Robert Blake these last few years.

Rehnquist falls, can't get up

Chief Justice Wille "The Gorilla" Rehnquist fell at home and hurt his knee, forcing him to cancel a speaking engagement. Any chance he had one of those lifeline buttons, or whatever they were called? You know the commericals I'm talking about. I always thought the guy yelling "I'm...having...chest...pains" was funnier that the "I've Fallen and Can't Get Up" lady.

Miss World + Radical Islam = Riots

Is anyone suprised by stories like this anymore? "Down with Beauty, Miss World is sin"??? This is a reason to kill people, loot and pillage? Now I'll grant you that Chrisitians are now engaging in the same behavior, but I do believe the Muslims started all this by killing them first. Add my name to the chorus of people who chuckle and shake their heads when we're told that Islam is a "religion of peace".

Musings on The Bachelor

OK, I admit it. I watched the last three episodes of this tripe. My sister Sarah got me hooked in and it was like watching a train wreck. I couldn't look away. Anyways, some random thoughts...

What is wrong with these women? Did you see some of these women bawling after not being given a rose. "What's wrong with me, why doesn't he love me for who I am?" Um, you knew this guy for a couple of freaking weeks! It was a completely artifically created environment. You're crying because he doesn't love you after a few weeks. Honey, I'd be worried if anyone loved you after a few weeks in that circus atmosphere. Maybe he didn't choose you because you're, you know, looney.

Does anyone else think the final episode would have been much more entertaining if after Aaron proposed to Helene that it cut to straight raunchy porn? I mean, if we're going to do "Reality" TV, let's just go all the way. I would have paid money to see the reactions of people across America if they had suddenly cut from the heart rendering proposal moment to a shot of Aaron's hog and Helene's heaving bosoms. Anyone else? Anyone? Ahem....moving on

How come they didn't have a swimsuit competition?

I hear ABC has "The Bachelorette" lined up for winter. It's amazing enough to me that they found so many attractive women willing to throw themselves at a guy they've never met. Where are they going to find even moderately attractive guys willing to throw themselves at a woman in the hopes of getting a proposal??? Good looking women may sometimes have self-esteem issues, but good looking guys almost NEVER do and guys are much more marriage-phobic (OK, that's not a word, sue me). I'd love to see the look on this lady's face when her suitors are a bunch of 35 year old Star Trek nerds who live in their parents' basements. Picture a guy with Spock ears introducing himself in Klingon. I think I'd wet myself.

I'm Rubber and You are Glue

Well, it seems that two members of the National Bolshevik Party of Russia threw tomatoes at NATO chief George Robertson. That claimed that NATO was worse than the Gestapo. Let's see boys, why don't we revisit the days of good ol' Joe Stalin. How many of his own people did Uncle Joe starve? How often did he "purge" top officials from his government? You know what they say about those who live in glass houses throwing stones..err tomatoes.

Georgie and Roger

OpinionJournal's featured article today talks about the hissy the press is throwing over Roger Ailes' letter to President Bush shortly after the terrorist attacks. According to the Journal, although Bob Woodward didn't see the contents of the letter, he described that it was "an important looking confidential communication".

Well Bob, you may have broke Watergate, but your investigative skills are obviously inferior to mine. Here's my exclusive on the contents of that letter:

Dear George,

How's it going Big Guy? You were just super on TV today. You really told that so and so Bin Laden what's gonna happen to him! Dead or Alive, oh baby I love it. That will sell big on O'Reilly, let me tell you! Say, your hair was just fabulous during that press conference. Who does it for you? Does the White House come with a stylist, or do you get your own? I'm thinking about doing something different. I mean, sure, I've started to go just a little bald, but I think I can hide it with the right style. What do you think?

So I heard you're coming to New York to see the Trade Center site? Good move. Make sure you've got a good speech prepared. I'd work in something about a thousand points of light. That was always gold for your father. GOLD!

Hey, have you seen some of the babes we've got on this network? Let me tell you, I don't care what experience a journalist has if she's some uggo. Check out Fox and Friends in the morning some time. That E.D. Donahey is some kind of babe. My head starts to sweat every time I talk to her. You think she'd go out with me? I'm a handsome guy right? Powerful, rich, what's not to like? I'll write a memo to myself to remind me to pursue it later.

Speaking of babes, you know your daughters are kinda cute. I know, they're too young for me, but hey, you still gotta be real proud.

Anywho, I gotta run. Tony Snow is bitching about the coffee in the break room again. Keeps calling me a cheap bastard just because I told them they had to start stocking Foldgers crystals instead of those imported blends they were buying. Primadonnas!

Catch ya later Big Guy!

Your Pal,


Well, if that doesn't justify the outrage, I don't know what does.

Thursday, November 21, 2002
Well, this is the first of what I hope will be many postings to the web. I'm relatively new to blogging and my exposure thus far has been to heavyweights like Megan McArdle of . and InstaPundit . Obviously, as a novice, I can't even hope to aspire to such lofty heights, but I hope I can at least make semi-coherent and salient points while trying to keep this blog entertaining and (hopefully) amusing. Time will tell.

Why am I joining the crowded world of weblogging? Well...why not? I've been hunting for a creative outlet for myself for a while. I enjoy reading and learning about what's going on in the world and I've been told by numerous people that my offbeat style and sense of humor might play well in this format. I haven't written seriously since college and I haven't tried to be funny in my writing since I was co-editor of my high school newspaper. (No, I didn't try to be funny in my editiorials, but let's say it was a small shop and my friends and I used the paper as a forum for our strange verbal stylings.)

I'll post more about myself later. In the meantime, I'm off to surf for interesting topics.